The rantings of a nutter

 I had a lady from my church call me up on Friday (23rd of march day time) and tell me that GOD was telling her to call me and tell me to read Psalm 91 and replace some of the "you's" with "me's" and "I's" so it look like this: (the edited version to the left and the original to the right)


**I had to put a bunch of sapces here so my user pic wouldn't bugger up the verses**

 1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High                             1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
       will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]                                                    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

 2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,        2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
       my God, in whom I trust."                                                                my God, in whom I trust."

 3 Surely he will save me from the fowler's snare                            3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
       and from the deadly pestilence.                                                     and from the deadly pestilence.

 4 He will cover me with his feathers,                                                4 He will cover you with his feathers,
       and under his wings you will find refuge;                                      and under his wings you will find refuge;
       his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.                            his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 

 5 I will not fear the terror of night,                                                    5 You will not fear the terror of night,
       nor the arrow that flies by day,                                                     nor the arrow that flies by day,

 
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,                            6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
       nor the plague that destroys at midday.                                         nor the plague that destroys at midday. 

 7 A thousand may fall at my side,                                                   7 A thousand may fall at your side, 
       ten thousand at my right hand,                                                    ten thousand at your right hand, 
       but it will not come near me.                                                        but it will not come near you.

 8 I will only observe with my eyes                                                  8 You will only observe with your eyes
       and see the punishment of the wicked.                                        and see the punishment of the wicked. 

 9 If I make the Most High my dwelling—                                            9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— 
       even the LORD, who is my refuge-                                                even the LORD, who is my refuge- 

 10 then no harm will befall me,                                                         10 then no harm will befall you,
       no disaster will come near my tent.                                                 no disaster will come near your tent.

 11 For he will command his angels concerning me                        11 For he will command his angels concerning you
       to guard me in all my ways;                                                             to guard you in all your ways; 


 12 they will lift me up in their hands,                                               12 they will lift you up in their hands, 
       so that I will not strike my foot against a stone.                             so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
 

 13 I will tread upon the lion and the cobra;                                   13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; 
       I will trample the great lion and the serpent.                           you will trample the great lion and the serpent.                                        

 14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;       14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
       I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.                             I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

 15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;                                15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; 
       I will be with him in trouble,                                                                I will be with him in trouble,
       I will deliver him and honor him.                                                         I will deliver him and honor him. 

 
16 With long life will I satisfy him                                                        16 With long life will I satisfy him 
       and show him my salvation."                                                            and show him my salvation."

How weird is that? And why would GOD be sending her something for me?? WEIRD.

I have been watching allot of turmoil passing week.  I have been totally helpless to help so many broken people.  It has been wrenching my guts.  I can still identify and empathize with the people who aren't even particularly close to me and what they are going through....some of these instances are very similar to things I have experienced in my past....due to this I have been feeling really emotionally close to ALL of them....which is I think is weird.   

I feel so much hurt and mistrust from everybody. Some seem almost determined to fight against any little tiny ray of good  that tries to creep in, by focusing on the bad things instead...NOW is the time to grab hold of each of the tiniest shreds of good and hold on to them even if it is only one miniscule little thing. Good sometimes only comes in small doses so we  appreciate the good when we get it. You have to hold on to each and every shred of good because they will grow eventually it will fill your heart...creating hope to get you through the troubled times.  

 I also have noticed loads of insecurities in people who are normally pretty sure of things, which has been a little unnerving......understandable....but unnerving.  

Meanwhile it seems like others are almost trying to take advantage of certain aspects of the turmoil....now I don't know if this is even a conscious thing ...but none the less not really what I want to see...it shakes my faith in some.

I have tried my darnest to help where  and when I can. I do not feel like I have done a damn thing though......

Helping by trying to spread some sort of understanding of all the views that could be/are involved  in a truly messed up situation...but because of the nature of it I can't do a whole lot....... that and the fact IF I  accidentally landed up getting myself in the middle (while trying to help) I surely would get TOTALLY burned by any crossfire....which is not what I had planned for this week.

I only got two hours of sleep last night  because my brain would NOT SHUT UP  due to the worry for the broken people in this turmoil....it was making me crazy.... So hopefully tonight I get a better sleep......maybe I'll have to dig out my "lord of the rings" audio books to listen to while I drift off.. I find my brain pays attention to the story, which stops my mind from wandering, or playing out hypothetically situations,  or just general worry for the people I'm concerned for.

It also doesn't help that Cameron isn't at home right now either... he is on course on the Island. It is a drag because of him not being here........ when I need his ear, or just a cuddle, or to see his handsome face smile that wonderful smile at me, or how his eyes still smolder for me each and everyday.

You know somedays the good comes in more that just a tiny sliver, it sometimes comes  6 feet and 5 inches tall. So many things can suck  but just knowing he is there and has my back, and my heart makes all the difference....gives me hope things will get better...even when I'm having bad days.  

I miss him....I hate it when he has to go away.. weekends aren't so bad but this is 10 days...I can't wait to see and touch him. 


Thinking of him makes my heart smile.

Well I should actually post this now that I have been a bad bad mommy and snuck some of the Easter bunny dispersal stash... I snaked one cream egg, and one caramel style creme egg (so at worst I can replace them at the corner store) I doubt I'll go to hell for it... but I might catch payment with a cavity hehehe made by the good old "CAVITY CREEPS" (remember those commercials ...I know I'm dating myself hehehehe)

 

thank you for  taking the time to read my prattle